The Long Wait

This week has been rather uneventful for our family. I feel like I have sort of been stuck in limbo a little because I have mentally put a lot on hold until after Friday (the day I get my laparoscopy done). 

You know how you feel right before having a baby, most people call it 'Nesting', where you are just getting things ready, getting things ready, getting things ready?  I kind of feel like that, only it is for a lot less time.  I have been trying to get stocked up on groceries, clean all the nooks and crannies, set up babysitters, do laundry, etc.  I guess those are the things I would normally be doing in a week but for some reason this time they just feel a little more stressful.

This Saturday was especially fun for our family though because my sister Kelsy and her fiance Brett surprised us with a visit!  They stayed and chatted with us for about two hours, just long enough to have lunch, make wedding invitations (thanks Logan!) and play a game of Candy Land.  It was fun to get to see them.

My friend Camille also invited me out to dinner that night.  It was fun to just have a girls night, eat some yummy food at good 'ole Paddy's Pub, and window shop with a Jamba in one hand.  She is a great friend and I love how down to earth she always is.  She has so much self confidence and is so sure of herself.  I guess if I said I wish I could be more like her in that regard it would show my weakness in my own self confidence!  Haha!  But she really is a great example to me and I had a lot of fun. 

Another of my friends, BriElle, invited is over for a picnic lunch in her back yard.  We had a beautiful day and both of my kids cracked out some shorts!  Okay, actually, Elsy is always trying to crack out the shorts but I always make her change before we leave because it is always freezing.  But I don't think Tommy remembers the last time he wore shorts because he seemed very confused and upset that the rest of his legs weren't covered.  He cried and cried ans Elsy and I tried to explain that it was all going to be okay.  I stroked his little bare legs and then Elsy's to show him it was okay but he didn't stop crying until I told him his cousin BooBoo (Ezra) wear shorts too.  That made him feel a lot better.  Anyway, BriElle was so kind to have us over and the kids had a blast with all her bubbles!

I really need to get a good picture of these two!  Cache and Elsy are the best of friends.  Cache is our neighbor boy who is also in our ward.  He comes over (or Elsy over there) almost every day.. sometimes multiple times... I think today we went to their house and back to ours three times?  Haha, I am good friends with his mom, Andrea as well.  I have just loved getting to know so many wonderful ladies around these parts.  I really struggled being away from all my sisters for a long time but it has been helpful to get close to so many people here.

Anyway, Cache and Elsy... they are quite the pair.  They play so well together.  On this particular day they were running all over the house gathering groceries in the grocery cart and they set up a house in my bedroom closet.  They had a baby that would take naps, Cache went to work, and then they took the baby to the doctors office to get a check up.

We found some nice life jackets for the kids at Costco.  Will my kids ever look at the camera?

I seriously can't get this girl to smile for the camera.  Every time my sister Sharee gets out her camera for her daughter Hannah she strikes a sassy pose and makes a big ole smile.  My daughter does stuff like this.  Oh dear.

We went on a walk to get some fresh air one evening because we were feeling pretty cooped up because of all the rain.  Elsy bawled the entire time because I had said we were going to the library and then changed my mind last minute because... well she was crying about something else I can't really remember.  When we arrived at the black top there were some big puddles and she and Tommy instantly started giggling and puddle jumping.  What is it with kids being able to change their moods at the drop of the hat!?  And I'm still sitting on the sidelines fuming... Logan too this time.  When we realized we both had a good laugh about it.  Elsy and Tommy were having so much fun!... until Tommy fell on his bum in the mud.  Then he was the one crying.

Elsy and I have started to have a few battles... mostly when it comes to brushing teeth and going potty.  She always shouts, "I HATE going potty!!" when I tell her to go.  We have been talking about how we can't make people do what we want them to (for example if Tommy doesn't want to play what she wants to he doesn't have to).  So she has now started to cry while on the toilet and shout, "Mommy we can't make people do things!"  which has really got me feeling guilty and like a hypocrite.  But I feel like I have to tell her to go everyday because she never goes on her own and will hold it forever.  I got to thinking about it a lot last night and this morning I told her we needed to have a talk.  I told her that if she feels like she is old enough and responsible enough to go to the bathroom on her own then I won't make her do it anymore.  She got an excited look in her eye while I told her this.  I explained that she needs to listen to her body and if it feels like it needs to go she needs to choose to go on her own.  Then I told her that sometimes I might still ask her if she needs to go, like before bed or when we leave somewhere, but I won't force her to go.  And the last thing I told her was that if she started wetting her panties then I would know she wasn't responsible enough and I would need to start making her go again.  It has worked so well today!  She went several times all on her own.  I think that is a great success.

The other win I feel like I had had to do with teeth brushing.  Elsy always bawls the entire time I brush her teeth... unlike Tommy who just pops open his mouth and sits so perfectly.  Anyway, three days ago I asked Elsy what she wanted to do if she didn't cry while I brushed her teeth.  She came up with the idea of me hiding her stuffed unicorn in a hard place for her to find.  I never would have ever thought of that, but it has been working really well the last three days.  No tooth brushing tears!  Yay!  I am realizing more and more that as I include her in my conversations and have her help me with the problem solving, things are a lot easier because she wants to work with me as a team.  I am so proud of her attitude.

I really like this kiddos hair sometimes.  He is such a cutie!  And he loves to tease so much I can't quite stand it.  Sadly, for this kid I haven't gotten many wins in.  Today Elsy was screeching and I came in to find him just trying to touch her while she tried to squirm away.  He just loves driving her mad!  He loves to say, "Mommy show you some-ting!" and then grabs my hand to lead me off to see something so tiny but is so important to him.  He can hear and see the smallest things.  Today he wouldn't come up the stairs into our apartment and as I came down he told me, "Got a spider!" and sure enough he had caught the most itty-bitty spider on a itsy-bitsy web thread and was not quite sure how to proceed.  He is ever so fascinated with bugs and is starting to really care what outfits I pic out for him.. he usually wants to wear batman, spider man, or star wars.  He found a stick shaped like a gun at the park and shot everyone and still loves to act out Link and Gannon even though we decided to put Zelda-Breath of the Wild away for a while.

I think maybe I do have one little win for him this week.  I have discovered that if I let him have his Fa-doo (binky) then he will sit still and listen to me talk to him about Jesus or tell him about the scriptures.  He had an owie on his hand and we talked about how Jesus has owies on his hands, too and he seemed to like that.

For family night we decided to go to Yellow Lake park because the sun was out.  Logan has been getting out his slack line a lot now that the weather is finally getting warmer (I almost typed better but I stopped myself... it still rains a bunch and the grass was soggy muck so I couldn't say it was getting better haha... just warmer.)

It was a beautiful evening and the Caruth's showed up so it was a lot of fun getting to talk while the kids ran around and play.  We daydreamed about making millions of dollars and moving to place where houses are cheaper and the sun always shines.

**Elsy is currently in the front room doing Cosmic Kids Yoga... she just loves yoga!  Haha!

Logan took a picture of Tommy giving me morning snuggles while I tried to read my scriptures.  Logan has been waking up early this week to get a lot of side work done and then get his hours in so that he won't have to work so much tomorrow after my surgery.  So while I was just waking up I think he was completely dressed and showered and about to head out the door and had already been awake for like 2.5 hours.  I was grateful that he was able to come with me to my pre-op consultation on Tuesday.  The doctor talked about what was going to happen and what I should be feeling like afterward.  I have been very worried that when they go inside they will find something worse than endometriosis inside... I am just that way though.  I just let my brain go wild and I get really worried.  The doctor helped to ease my fears a lot.  We got out super early so Logan and I walked down over to the hospital to see where I needed to go to check in and stuff and then on the way back to the car Logan decided to treat me to some Starbucks for a late breakfast.  We sat and he had a breakfast sandwich and I had a caramel frap and it was so nice to finally feel like I could breathe again.  I had been so filled with anxiety and being there with Logan and getting to talk with the doctor made me feel so much better.

Last week I was really overwhelmed and anxious about everything but this week has been a lot easier for me.  I am not as worried and more just ready to get it over with.  I guess this time tomorrow it will be.  That is a relief!  I was having a really hard time allowing myself to calm down and not be nervous.  Then I finally was able to have a prayer that helped me to feel calmer.  It was in the morning and I asked Heavenly Father what I should read that morning.  I felt prompted to read Helaman 5.  It is one of my favorite chapters.  A lot of people always remember the first part of that chapter where Helaman talks to his sons about building their foundations on Christ, which I love, but I feel like the second half of the chapter often gets overlooked.  It is the story of Nephi and his brother Lehi being imprisoned and the miraculous conversion of 300+ people.  If you haven't read it recently I would definitely suggest it!  It is one of my very favorites.

As I read it I realized how trapped in darkness I had been feeling with worrying about the possibilities of not being able to have any more kids, possibly having who knows what else wrong inside, etc.  In verse 34 it reads, "And it came to pass that the Lamanites could not flee because of the cloud of darkness which did overshadow them; yea, and also they were immovable because of the fear which did come upon them."  I guess this was me a little.

But then it gave the answer of how to escape from the darkness:

"And it came to pass that the Lamanites said unto him (Aminadab): What shall we do, that this cloud of darkness may be removed from overshadowing us?  And Aminadab said unto them: You must repent, and cry unto the voice, even until ye shall have faith in Christ...and when ye shall do this, the cloud of darkness shall be removed from overshadowing you."

"And it came to pass that there came a voice unto them, yea, a pleasant voice, as if it were a whisper, saying: Peace, peace be unto you, because of your faith in my Well Beloved, who was from the foundation of the world."

I am so grateful for the Book of Mormon.  I am always able to find answers and comfort within it's pages.  This time I was able to receive direct instructions on what I needed to do to feel peace in my life even when things aren't going the way I had hoped.  What a blessing!

Blue Skies and Easter Time

Yay!  All our prayers paid off!  Tommy's fever only lasted 24 hours and then he and Elsy only had minor coughs so off we went to the Tri-Cities for the weekend!  

The trip was the easiest car trip I think we have had with the kids in a long, long while.  Since Elsy no longer takes naps I let her play on the iPad in the car but Tommy needed to take a nap so I gave him his fadoo (pacifier) and his blue tag blankie so he would fall asleep.  He sat and looked out the window for an hour and a half straight just enjoying the scenery.  I couldn't believe it.  He hardly made a peep (except now and then he would mention the colors of the highway dividers or say "Animals!" when he saw some cows).  He did finally fall asleep around Selah.

I just can not get over the sky when we go there.  Look at that clear, blue, not cloudy, not rainy, gorgeous, big sky!  And no soggy grass!!  We were just in heaven.

We played outside all weekend long.  The kids all got swards while jumping on the tramp.  I am not sure if that was a good idea, but nobody got hurt so I guess it was fine.

My dad got out his new four wheeler and he took all the kids on rides.

My little motorcycle girl loved it.

Trying two at a time.

We all just enjoyed sitting out on lawn chairs chatting while the kids ran around.  My dad recently removed a cherry tree from his yard so the kids all got shovels and sat in the dirt spot and played and played and played.  They got so dirty but it was fun.  When Elsy stood up, every step she took a cloud of dust would puff off each leg.

On Saturday, during nap time, I took Elsy and Hannah to an Easter carnival at Flat Top Park that a church was putting on.  Almost everything was free and the girls had a blast.

They got free cotton candy and their faces painted... and lots of candy.  My sister Riley and my mom came with us and Riley won the cake walk so we all got yummy cupcakes.  I do not eat very well when I got visit my family, but I do eat good. ;)

My brother-in-law Steve is really good at working with wood.  He had made a Maui hook (from Moana) for his son and Tommy loved playing with it.  Elsy's cousin Ezra had a little green rock they had painted and drawn a black swirl on to be "The Heart of Te Fiti" and Elsy and Hannah and Ezra ran around throwing the heart and then finding it, and slowly walking up to uncle Steve singing, "They have stolen the heart from inside you, I know your name...." etc.  until they got up to him and put it on his chest.  Anyway, you have to have seen the movie, and if you have you would know that it was just absolutely hilarious at how seriously they took it all.

Hannah is into a show called DC Superhero Girls, or something like that.  She had three of the dolls and each of these three would play them all weekend as well.  Elsy was always Bat Girl.  Hannah also would round up Elsy and Ezra to read them this superhero book.  These three are just so hilarious together!

We dyed Easter eggs....

and had a bon fire!  Saturday just felt like such a long day!  It was so packed with fun stuff.  I think it was all very therapeutic for Logan and I, we have not seen much of the sun in months and it was also fun to be around good company.  I would look out the window and Logan would just be sitting outside in the sunshine on a lawn chair.  

Tommy was in heaven because at my mom's house there are guns and light sabers!  I really need to get him some of those for at our house.

Easter morning came a little to early for all of us adults.  I think my sister Sharee's kids woke up at like 5:30 or something?  Luckily ours stayed in bed until almost 7am but we were all so exhausted from staying up the night before (we had all watched Fantastic Beasts and Where To Find Them) and doing some Easter-ly business.  After the egg hunt a lot of people went back and took naps.

Elsy and Tommy were delighted with what the Easter bunny brought them.  They were a little spoiled this year because a Grandma Easter bunny contributed unexpectedly.  Both of the kids got little binoculars and the Gup B and Gup X from Octonauts (which are like little submarines), as well as a necklace and a car!  It was so exciting for them.  Elsy was a little concerned that both Gups were for Tommy but we assured her they were for them to share.

Logan sent me this picture while I was in Relief Society of a picture he had taken with little Tommy.  I just LOVE it because I can never get that little guy to smile for pictures!

We had a good laugh after Sacrament Meeting because he kept running from Logan at one end of the pew to my dad at the other end of the pew, back and forth, and then climbing all over my dad.  After my dad just couldn't believe how much wiggling he was doing.  He said, "He could just not hold still!"  We laughed because that is just the story of my life.  Even when Tommy was an infant and I would try to rock him he would just fight and kick.  Even now when he wants to ra-rock before bed he climbs all over me and changes positions constantly, and when I think he is just to uncomfortable he stops... for like 30 seconds before wiggling again!  Haha, but when I ask if he doesn't want to rock in the rocking chair he gets upset.  I just don't really get it, but I'll take him any way I can get him.

Elsy and Tommy got new Easter outfits.  I thought they looked so cute.  And I was grateful for a quick famliy photo.  I always cherish these... but they are also always a guilty reminder of how grumpy I get trying to get the kids to hold still and smile.  I wonder if taking family pictures will ever be a good experience... I don't think so.

Ezra got Hungry Hungry Hippos from the Easter bunny.  The kids got into some good fights over it but it was mostly a fun thing for them. 

We were oh so sad to leave on Sunday night and get 'back to real life' as we always call it.  Especially when we drove over the mountains and it started to rain again.  Today while it was pouring down Elsy (who was having a rough morning to begin with) said, "I HATE the rain!" I was feeling a little upset too and I said, "I hate it too!" And then Elsy calmed down a little bit and said, "But we do need it."  I am always so surprised at her wisdom and am always grateful for her optimism.  The other day I told her she was being a ray of sunshine and I was so happy for her.  I was trying to change Tommy's diaper and he was having a rough time of it.  I said to him, "Are you sunshine or a storm cloud?"  He told me he was a storm cloud.  Oh brother.

One thing we were excited about coming home was that Elsy started her first ever session of swimming lessons on Monday.  I just could not get over the price... $80 for only 8 lessons!? But they were the cheapest I could find in the area, at the Issaquah Community Center.  I just can't stand it.  I used to teach swimming lessons for $25 for ten lessons.  The cost of everything out here is just insane.

But!  Elsy absolutely loves them.  She was really nervous for a couple of days while I tried to prep her for it but as soon as I started acting really excited for them, she quickly followed suit.  She was the first one in and the last one out and she bounced up and down the ENTIRE lesson she was just so excited.  And I just love the little thing they are on in that picture up there, they call it a table.  Its just PVC pipe and some sort of mat but it contains the kids really well while the teacher, Abbie, works one on one with each kid.  We had lessons again today and Elsy was just as excited.

I felt sad that Tommy couldn't get it because there is no open swim during lesson time but I decided that since he never gets the iPad at home it would be okay for him to get to play while she was in the water.  He was over the moon.  I just love his chubby little toes!

This week coming home from the Tri-Cities has been a little rough on the landing.  The kids have had a hard time coming back to their schedules and I have had back to back errands and things to do every day so they just have been drug around everywhere.  Yesterday was especially hard for me because I had my doctor's appointment.  After running a couple different exams the doctor told me I have a couple of nodules inside me and after answering lots of questions they are pretty sure I have endometriosis.   If you don't know what that is here is a quick explanation.  Everyone's uterus (or every girl's uterus haha) is lined with a lining called the endometrium.  Endometriosis is when endometrial tissue is found in other areas of the body.  It basically acts the same as the endometrial tissue that is found inside the uterus but it is just in the wrong spots so it causes a lot of extra pain in the abdomen that, in my opinion, just isn't necessary!  I have been having a lot of pain all throughout my abdomen throughout the entire month so this explains a lot.  I was glad to finally have some answers but at the same time I am really sad because endometriosis is a big cause for infertility and can't always be helped.  Apparently I am really lucky to have had Elsy and Tommy when I did so I am really grateful for that.

Anyway, so what is to be done?  Next Friday we are being scheduled to go in for a minor, outpatient  surgery.  It's called a laparoscopy and it is where they go in through my navel with a tool to look and see if I really do have endometriosis (apparently there is no easier way to confirm it).  If I do for sure have it, then the doctor will insert other tools to help try and clean it out with a heated tool like a laser or something.  Ugh.  I just did not go into my appointment yesterday thinking I would be leaving with a surgery date?  But like I said, I am at least grateful we are making progress into helping me not have so much abdominal pain and finding help on the road to try and grow our little family.

But since I was having a rough day yesterday I was so surprised to come home from teaching piano lessons with the kids (since Logan's new job I have had to take the kids along with me) to a spotless house, flowers on the table, homemade lasagna in the oven sending its lovely aroma about, and classical piano music playing in the background.  It was so wonderful and I had a laugh about the classical music.  I gave Logan a hug and he was just sweating!  Haha!  Apparently he hurried home and tried to get it all done before I got there.  I am so grateful to him.  He has been such a big support to me when I'm not feeling good or when I am down about wanting to have another baby.

I could tell yesterday that Logan and I were taking some extra moments to be extra grateful for little Elsy and Tommy.  I didn't realize what a blessing it was for us to be able to have them.  And as the reality of the possibility of not having any more kids has been sinking in I have been wanting to slow down and really live in each moment with them all the more.  I know there is still a possibility that goes both ways of being able to have more kids and not but I am feeling at peace knowing that God has a plan for me.  The primary song, "I Will Follow God's Plan" has been stuck in my head the last couple of days and it helps me feel better, "My life is a gift, my life has a plan.  My life has a purpose, in Heavn' it began.  My choice was to come to this lovely home on earth and seek for God's light to direct me from birth.  I will follow God's plan for me, holding fast to his word and his love.  I will work and I will pray; I will always walk in His way, then I will be happy on earth, and in my home above."

Getting Ready For Easter!

Last week Logan let me get out of the house in the evening for some me time.  I got myself a Jamba and headed to Target to buy myself an Easter dress.  Oopsy I came home with new pillows for our couches instead.

Logan told me to go get some more of the diamond pattern one because he liked that one a lot (like I did) and so the next day the kids came with me to pick up some more.

I just really, really love them.  We bought our new couch over a year ago and I have always wanted to get navy blue and cream pillows for it but have never found any that I loved.  So when I saw these I snatched them quick.  I usually buy several of something and debate for a week or so and then return them because I am so undecided.  But it only took me less than two days to rip the tags off these babies, and that is saying something!   (When I was shopping for our bedding I bought four different quilts and tried them all out over and over again for several weeks before finding one I liked enough to keep.  I remember Logan saying one day, "You better return all those because we have like $400 worth of quilts in here!"  Yikes!  The one I kept was only like $40 so we did get all our cash monies back but, yeah, if that gives you a glimpse of how indecisive I always am!)

Elsy made a nest out of the old pillows for her and her little bird, Flower.  Flower has a recording button on her and Elsy is constantly singing Moana songs and recording them to play back.  The other day she was holding her bird while I was doing her hair and I had to pull a small elastic rubber band out of her hair.  Elsy screamed and started to cry.  As I tried to calm her down, all the sudden Flower screamed and started to cry.  Apparently Elsy had been holding the record button down and the automatic playback was a replay of the dramatic scene.  We both laughed and laughed and Elsy and Tommy played the recording over and over again and just laughed and laughed.  I thought it sounded awful but they found it hilarious.

On Saturday we had a ward Easter egg hunt!  It was indoor because that's how we do life here in the Pacific Northwest.  They completely filled the chapel overflow with green balloons and there were hundreds of eggs hidden under them.  The pictures I took did not do it justice how many balloons there were!  It was such a fun idea but many eggs were sadly trampled.

Tommy walked back and forth forever gleaning little jelly beans off the ground that had fallen from the broken eggs.  He was just in heaven.  It was a crazy mad house because they let everyone go at the same time, including the older kids.  There were balloons popping and eggs rolling everywhere.  A total hoot!

Afterward they had an egg race.  I was really surprised Elsy was able to balance her egg on her spoon almost the entire way!

And they had a big tug-o-war.  I just love Tom's face in this picture.  He was really getting into it... but he started pulling the wrong way and it was just to cute.

Tommy can be really intense sometimes, especially since he has been watching a lot of Zelda lately.  Tonight at dinner he was shooting me with his fork and said it was a bow and arrow.  He makes this little sound that is hilarious when he 'shoots' the arrow, kind of a "chick-oo" sound.  Then he started pretending to throw something at me and he said he was throwing rocks at me.  Oh brother.  I just can't get that kiddo to eat anything these days, no matter how hard I try.  And then he will eat random things that just throw me off.  We had rotini noodles in a pasta I made and he bawled and bawled because I tried to have him try it crying, "Don't LIKE noodles!", then the next day we had Voila, which has rotini noodles in it and he wolfed them down and said "Like noodles!!" What the heck.

These two cuddle buddies on a Sunday afternoon post nap time.  They look so alike sometimes.

Tommy has been pretty grumpy lately.  He really only chippers up when I have direct, one-on-one time with him.  He loves to run and hide when I ask him to do anything.  The last two weeks my goal for him has been to help him correctly label and recognize his feelings.  So far I feel like it has been successful.  He used to say, "I'm seeeepy!" (I"m sleepy) whenever he started to cry.  I talked with him about it and let him know he was actually feeling sad.  Now he says, "I sad!", which is actually really sad to me too, but I am glad he is figuring those things out.  Today I taught him to say he is hungry instead of whine for a snack.  He now says, "I'm grungry!" and I try not to smile.

I also have been trying to help him recognize the spirit.  We talk a lot about being obedient because it doesn't seem to come very naturally to him ;).  When I can finally convince him to be obedient I am quickly trying to ask him how he feels and let him know he should be feeling really good and proud of himself.  He always gets a bashful smile when I put my hand on his chest and say "Doesn't that make you feel good in here?"  He is trying so hard to be obedient but I can tell he really likes to give in to his wild side and is realizing that it is often more fun to not do what I say.  I guess I just need to keep trying.

Oh I just love this little girl!  On the drive home from church Tommy pointed out a motorcycle.  Elsy informed us that she was going to ride a motorcycle when she got older.  When I told her they were not very safe she became very passionate about it and adamant that she would be riding a motorcycle when she got older.  Oh brother.  This morning before I got in the shower she and Tommy were running around in circles holding imaginary handlebars and "Vroooomm"-ing all over the house.

For Family Home Evening we learned about the resurrection of Christ and then we dyed Easter eggs!  Logan was right on top of Tommy the whole time which I thought was super helpful.  Our apartment has carpet in the dining room and it always makes me a little nervous. 

This girl probably would have dyed all her eggs pink if I hadn't suggested some other colors.  They both had so much fun.  Elsy is getting really excited for Easter at Grandma Volmer's house.  We have been planning to go there but both of my kids got sick last night and Tommy now has a fever.  I really hope they start improving soon, we have so been looking forward to this trip!  Today Elsy came to me and said, "If the Easter Bunny wants to come to Grandma Volmer's house he's going to have to hop for a long time because it is a long hop to get to Grandma's house!"  She has such a good memory and was telling me today about where the Easter Bunny hid eggs last year.

The day after dying eggs Tommy was so excited to eat one for breakfast, but by the time the hard boiled egg was peeled he had changed his mind.  I tried really hard to convince them both that they might like it, I even tried a bit as an example (even though I don't have to be convinced that they are yucky hehe!)  I cut one in half to show them the hard yoke inside and tried to get Tommy to try it (he loved them last year!) but Elsy just said, "Mommy, it is nice that they look like that but sometimes it's okay if we eat other things."  She is just to whitty and polite to argue with.

Yesterday morning I caught Tommy making faces at himself in the mirror.  I don't think I have ever really caught him doing that.  I watched as he smiled at himself and looked at his tongue.  He is just getting so big and I can't believe it.  Two people at Costco this week asked if he and Elsy were twins.

My children have been living in a world of Zelda these last couple of weeks.  Sadly, I got hooked on it as well and have been playing after the kids go to bed and while Logan works on his startup.  The kids both woke up in the middle of the night and were wheezing and coughing.  Luckily Elsy will take the inhaler but Tommy wouldn't so I was up with him for a few hours just keeping him calm so he could breath alright.  Anyway, we were all so tired this morning that we just sat on the couch and played Zelda.  Elsy is hilarious and tells me I am not as good at playing as Dad and she tells me all the things I need to do.  It is actually really helpful haha!  But after I stopped playing today and started feeding the kids lunch I just felt like I had wasted my whole morning, even if I was tired!  So this evening as dinner was cooking and I felt like taking a break while it was in the oven I buckled myself down and cleaned the kitchen and then after the kids went to bed I cleaned the rest of the house and vacuumed.  I hope that helps make up for it?  Haha!

This week has been a slow one but I am so grateful to have my neighbor Andrea next door.  It is Spring Break for our school district so Joy School, Zumba, Bible Class, and Story Time were all cancelled and we have been a bit bored with all the rainy weather.  Andrea and I have been swapping the kids back and forth all week to let them get in some play time and it has been so nice.  It is really fun having a close friend live in the stairwell next to yours.  I haven't had a neighbor I am close to since college life so it is really fun for me.

This week we are praying for Tommy and Elsy to get better in time for us to go to my parents for Easter.  If not I think there will be many tears from all of us.  Logan has been working longer hours so he could take most of Friday off and I have been looking forward to going home for weeks since we haven't been home since Christmas (that is a long time for me people haha), and the kids have been FaceTiming their cousins about it and are so excited also.  So I guess you will just have to wait and see for next week! ;)

Spring Time, Ah Yeah

The sun has come out a little bit each day the last week or so, so I think it is officially okay for me to say it is spring in these parts?  

Every morning when I walk back from the gym I can pluck a pink flower off the tree by the mailboxes and deliver it to my happy kiddos who are just waking up and snuggling their daddy on the couch as he reads his scriptures.  I can get used to this. :)

We are working on healthy habits here and this last week I ate more vegetables than I think I ever have and I lost a pound and a half.  I'd say that is progress!  I can also see it in Logan.  I just feel fresher!  Its wonderful.  My patriarchal blessing mentions keeping the Word of Wisdom.  After thinking that over a lot and wondering why, because I really have never taken any drugs (besides those prescribed to me), consumed alcohol, smoked, or anything of the like (although Sharee will attest to me accidentally getting a frappachino at Starbucks that I didn't quite order right that took me about two sips to realize decaff did not mean there was no coffee in it... that is a funny story).  So I have been realizing there is a lot more to the Word of Wisdom than just the "don't consumes" but there are a lot of "should consumes" that I should be focusing on more.  It has been fun.  And the kids have been doing a good job of trying new things.  Elsy took a bite of a spinach leaf today!  And Tommy tried a bite of quinoa on his own too!  I call that a success... even if the rest of what they ate was garlic bread toast....

These kids love it when Daddy comes home and they love it when we go out and meet him in the parking lot for a little time in the "Black Car"... even though it is white...  Ever since Elsy was barely talking she has called Logan's Mini "The Black Car" and we finally figured out it was because the inside was all black.  Tommy, in true boy fashion, knows just what kind of car it is, "COOPER!!" he says.

While looking through my photos I found these.  Even though I prided myself last week on being all caught up I wanted to share these because they were so fun.  They were taken about a month ago on one of the first sunny days of the year.  I got Logan a slack line for Christmas.  Logan has been waiting and waiting to try it out and we finally made it to Ebrite park to have a go.  I didn't wear the right shoes and it was too cold to take them off so I didn't make it very far but Logan is a natural.

I want to get a training rope for the kids.  Elsy and Tommy thought it was so fun!  

Here is my cute little soft little squishy little boy tucking in his star wars toys.  Logan caught this picture and said he was saying, "Night night Star Wars" as he tucked little Kylo Ren in.

Tommy has had a bit of a rough week.  I am pretty sure he is starting to get his two year old molars because he has been hanging around with both pointer fingers shoved into his mouth with drool running out.  Ew.  I haven't had to deal with drool for quite a while so yeah.  That is fun I guess.  On Sunday night he jumped from the top of our slide (you can see it in the background of the picture below) and hurt his foot pretty bad.  I was afraid he broke a bone in the side of his left foot.  He was fussy and every time he tried to walk he would burst into tears and cry, "Hurts!"  It was so sad.  After observing him for a while we decided to just give him ibuprofen and wait until morning to see what he did.  The first couple steps the next day seemed a little stiff but he has been running and jumping off the couches ever since so I'm not worried anymore.

I think because he is teething he is just a bit pouty these days.  He likes to pull his chin down and puff his lips out in a pout.  He has also been a lot more forceful toward me too when he never was.  Poor guy.  This week he has started to close himself into his own bedroom when he has to poo.  I always find him by his windowsill staring down at the cars and a terrible smell will be hanging in the air.  I say, "Tommy, did you go poop?" and he will shout "No!  Go away, Mommy!" and if I try to take him to the bathroom for a change he pushes me away.  I always have to get a smile out of him before he will come.  All I had to say tonight was, "Tommy you stinkyyyyyy" and he laughed.  Even when he is cranky a laugh is never far away from this kid.

Every day this week, Tommy begs Logan to be Ganandorf so he can be Link to fight him.  He can be very loud, crazy, and a little violent and rough with his sward my sister Leisha gave him.  But if Logan ever dishes anything back Tommy can't handle it.  It is hilarious to watch.  And of course Elsy joins in as the princess Zelda shooting an imaginary bow and arrow.

Somebody, remind me next time I read on a blog post that a sensory bin is "easy to clean up" to cover my eyes and shout "LIES!" and close my laptop before I try it out.  This time I made moon sand (8 cups flour, 1 cup baby oil).  The kids of course loved it, but...

I just feel like pictures never do a mess justice.  They were like little ghosts afterward and flour was everywhere.  I set them up to play and then went into the other room.  When I came back, POOF.

In other news, I spent all last week drawing up plans and doing research on creating a little patio garden for us this spring/summer.  I am so excited to try it all out.  Logan drew up some plans on Saturday ^^ to build me a planter.  For $30 he built me an awesome planter (I couldn't find one like it for less then like $150)... and basically it was free because he bought it all with the gift card he got for Christmas from my parents. I don't have a picture of the finished product but he completed the whole thing on Saturday.  I just can't wait to plant in it!

Also, Saturday was the General Women's Session of conference.  My sister Lenise sang in the choir.  The music was so beautiful.  Although I felt like I didn't enjoy it as much as I usually do because every time the camera angle would change I would be frantically looking to see if she was on screen! Haha!  The messages were all inspiring and I was able to receive some good promptings for myself.  I have been realizing how many things I add to my list just to 'check them off'.  I realized I needed to change some of my habits.  For example, for many years now it has been my goal to read all the conference talks before the next conference.  And I have consistently fulfilled this goal.  But the problem is, in my haste to read them (usually doing every day for several days before the coming conference) I don't fully study them and learn from them as I feel I should.  But I am checking off my goal!  Anyway, it hit me that this wasn't how the conference talks were meant to be studied.  I have been thinking a lot about it these last few days and am trying to figure out the best way, for me, to be getting the most out of the talks in conference.  I am excited and also a little daunted to step out of that comforting check off routine and instead try something that will help me grow more spiritually and gain a stronger testimony of specific topics that I am learning about.

On Sunday we forgot to take two cars.  Logan needed to stay after and do some office work and counting so the kids and I hung out in the foyer after church for a while.  They were such a hoot.  Logan had taught the lesson in Elders Quarm and someone had passed out cookies.  Elsy enjoyed giving out the extras to everyone who passed by.

I realized they were matching today so I had to get a couple of pictures.  I can never get them to both smile at the same time.

On Sunday evening Logan and I had a great conversation about 'Truth'.  I had read an article that someone had written about our church.  They were a member but they clearly wanted some changes to be happening within the 'culture' of our church.  I have been LDS all my life, and I for sure can attest to the fact that yes, we do have a culture within our church and yes, there are some parts of that culture that are not exactly in line with what we preach and teach.  But I am not going to go into that stuff.

What I found interesting was this.. as I read the article I found myself agreeing with a lot of things that were brought up.  Thinks like, we shouldn't judge others, love should come first, etc. etc. etc.  However there were some things in the article that just didn't resonate well with me and felt a little bit off.  As Logan and I talked about it I realized that those things that felt off were things that were not full truths.  The writer of the article, while preaching love, left a few holes, and by the end I felt like the article, in the whole, was not preaching full truth.

Anyway, as I thought about it I came to some interesting realizations.  I realized that most all of the articles I see that are being passed around on the internet that are about the LDS church are trying to convince others of something.  They are usually saying there is something wrong with the church and that something needs to change.  I started wondering, why do I hardly ever see a post or article about the church that seems to ring completely true to me?  And I realized it is because the church isn't out there to convince anyone.  The church simply states truth and lets us, lets our hearts and minds, feel it out for ourselves and then we convince ourselves one way or another.  But if we are truly humble and ready to listen we will be able to feel the Spirit speak truth to our hearts. For example, look at any statement the church has made over the last couple years.  They are always short and concise and they just state the facts or the doctrine.  They don't flower it up or anything.  They don't spend time trying to sway or convince you what they are saying.  They just say, this is how it is.  Then, that same day, tons of posts and articles are written by anyone who wants to write and they are all trying to convince you why the leaders of the church are wrong or right or this or that.  Some of them are excellent writers and have a lot of knowledge and insight.  But the church doesn't get into any of that.  They just state the truth.  The truth speaks for itself.  Sometimes the church will say something like, "We don't know why we are commanded to do this, but we have been commanded to so we do."  They don't try and explain things away or anything.  They just say, "God speaks the truth so we follow."

This coming weekend, when you listen to General Conference, pay attention.  Nobody will be trying to argue a truth to anyone there.  All they will do is state the facts, maybe they will add a story to help explain a concept, but most everything they say will just be gospel truths.  Something about that just makes me soul feel peace and helps me feel settled.

Joy School was at our house again!  This week was the letter Y.  We learned about how yarn was made and since I love to crochet I showed them a couple different projects I made and then they glued little bits of yarn to some Y's I drew on colored paper.



Today we learned Y is for Yoga.  My friend Andrea told me about Cosmic Kids Yoga a while back and I had forgotten about it.  But I looked it up this morning and it is so cute!... and hilarious!  Haley was the only who could come today so we had a small group, her, Elsy, and Link.  They just loved it, especially Elsy.

Elsy worked so hard the last two weeks to earn the Candy Land game!  We had a lesson a few weeks ago during Family Home Evening about not whining and instead using a polite and kind voice.  If she or Tommy used kind tones then they would get a lima bean put in a little cup.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times she would see the cup on the counter and come to me with the sweetest, sappiest, "Mommy may I pleaaase have a drink of water?" just so she could get a bean.  When the cup was finally full she was just over the moon with joy as we opened up the packaging on the box to play it for the first time yesterday.  She has been looking at the outside of the box for so long and was utterly delighted to get to see what was inside.  We played it at least eight times yesterday and probably six times today.  She just loves it.  And even though it is a total game of chance, she is super good at winning.  Yesterday I finally told her, "We are playing one more time and I am going to win this time!"  she looked at me with a straight face and said, "No. You. Are. Not."  And of course she was right.  I actually got into it and it was a close game and right when I thought I was drawing my last card to win, I pulled the peppermint candy card and had to go all the way back to the beginning.  We both had a great laugh. 

Okay, and Elsy wanted to do Yoga for the rest of the day.  She spent like an hour and a half doing yoga.  She is so hilarious!

One more of Logan and my late night conversations happened last night.  We spent some time talking about sex trafficking and how absolutely horrifying and awful it is.  Logan said, "How can you not be a little bit mad at God for some of these kinds of things?"  We were just feeling awful about it all.  My sister Sharee recently mentioned to us she used to feel relieved when reading the end of the Book of Mormon because, "At least we aren't that bad!"  But then she realized as she read the end of Moroni how very close to the Nephites we have become when it talks about them kidnapping, raping, and murdering the women and children.  It sounds just like the sex trade today.  We pulled open the scriptures and Logan asked me, "How did Mormon and Moroni cope with living through all this?" He started reading through the chapters and we were so comforted as we read the last few verses in Moroni 9 25-26, "My son, be faithful in Christ; and may not the things which I have written grieve thee, to weigh thee down unto death; but may Christ lift thee up, and may his sufferings and death, and the showing his body unto our fathers, and his mercy and long-suffering, and the hope of his glory and of eternal life, rest in your mind forever.  And may the grace of God the Father, whose throne is high in the heavens, and our Lord Jesus Christ, who sitteth on the right hand of his power until all things shall become subject unto him, be, and abide with you forever."

Something I have been working on a lot this last year is allowing the Lord to sustain me through my trials.  Sometimes it is easier for me to trust and realize God's hand in my life than in other people's lives.  I have been finding that I spend a lot of time worrying about the ones I love and hoping that they are making the right choices and also knowing that they are each going through their own quiet trials.  It is so hard for me to think they are all going through silent struggles.  But I have been becoming more and more aware that isn't something I really need to be worrying about because I have a testimony of the Lord and I know because he has sustained me through my trials, I know he will sustain them.  :)

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Okay so that was last weeks entry that I never posted.  But here is this weeks post and we shall just mesh the two together a bit.

Lets start with my utter excitement in Logan building me that planter!  We went out and bought lots of plants to put out on our little patio garden.

Here is the planter Logan built.  It is just the right height for me to stand at and just out of reach or little hands to dig in the dirt.  I figure when it comes time to work out there I can bring out stools for them but until then I don't have to worry about them picking strawberries that aren't quite ripe yet.

I layed out all my different pots and then the kids came out and dug in some dirt while I planted.

It was such a beautiful day.  I have found I really love plants!  I have often wondered if I should have taken some horticulture classes (or perhaps herbology hehe) in college so I would have a better understanding of soils, companion planting, and other basics.  Oh well, thank goodness for the internet I guess.  I hope I can keep them all alive, and even better! I hope we can get a little bit of a harvest!  We planted lots of strawberries, cilantro, spinach, bell peppers (red, green, and yellow), tomatoes (roma and cherry), sugar snap peas, and a little blueberry bush (I read they grow great in planters so we will see!).  I also plan on doing some cucumbers and some beans but I am not sure I have enough 'direct sunlight' spots left on the patio that aren't already being used.  And of course I couldn't pass up planting some little purple pansies...

So, these kinds of pictures are all over my phone these days.  She gets the giggles when she is taking pictures.  I think I should sit her down and teach her some pointers about how to take a photo and maybe we will actually get some good ones from her!

She took this one of me too haha!

Elsy likes to climb into my bed in the mornings.  One morning she climbed into my bed and I was talking to her and she looked at me and sweetly said, "Mommy I do like you, but I don't like your breath."  Logan and I laughed and laughed and laughed.  She is the sweetest.  She also pays attention to things that make us laugh because she now says it often in the mornings and knows it will get a good laugh.  

General Conference was this weekend and it was so wonderful!  We usually have friends over for one of the sessions but it didn't work out this time around so we enjoyed a quite conference together.  I went on Pinterest and looked up some fun activities for the kids to do to keep them quiet.  They spent most of the Saturday morning session playing with play dough.  During the afternoon session Tommy napped and I had printed and laminated some dotted lines from a website that had different designs and Elsy used a dry erase marker to trace the lines to practice her writing skills.  She loved that.  Sunday Morning I drew dots on papers in shapes and they had some big dot stickers to put on each little dot I made and they had to figure out what the picture was.  That one ended up being a lot more rowdy than I anticipated.  And luckily they both took naps for the Sunday afternoon!

Logan and I have found that we get very sleepy during the afternoon sessions of conference.  Logan discovered if we get some special conference ice cream we are a lot more motivated to stay awake.  When I got drowsy I was awakened to some cold ice cream and a spoon in my lap.  We don't buy ice cream very often so it was a special treat.  This picture is one that Elsy took of us on Saturday.  So I guess she is getting a little bit better at photography! Haha.

On Sunday, between sessions, we went for a little walk down by Lake Samammish.  We both decided after that it wasn't the best place for a walk on the Sabbath.  We love going on Sunday walks but we like to avoid places that are to crowded and this was just to crowded.  There were people everywhere and BBQs going and music blaring and it just wasn't what we anticipated.  When we got home both of the kids were acting a little sick so they both took naps.

General Conference was so good, Logan and I both were able to receive some promptings on things we need to work on and we felt the spirit.  I am still in the process of going through my notes and writing down my goals for the next few months.    

Tommy has been my little buddy this week.  He is getting to be such a good talker and I just can't get enough of him.  I went int to wake him up from a nap this week and he wouldn't wake up.  I just looked at him and realized how quickly he has been growing.   I have a picture almost exactly like this one only of Elsy when she was a few months younger than Tommy is in this picture. My children are the most precious things in my life and I am so grateful to have them.

My little buddy joined me on an excursion on Monday.  We have been trying to get pregnant for over a year now to no avail.  This weekend we thought we were having a miscarriage so on Monday Tommy joined me as we went to a few different offices to get my blood drawn in Issaquah and then to Bellevue to get a Rhogam shot (because of my blood type I am Rh negative and if you have a miscarriage with that blood type you can develop antibodies that will attack future pregnancies so if I ever have suspicious bleeding they need to give me the shot).  Tommy made me feel happy even though we were doing some things that weren't all that fun for me.  He held my hand, made me laugh, asked to sit in Elsy's car seat because she was at Joy School, and told me about the big city and the "tall, Tall, TALLLL towers".

According to my blood tests I either was never pregnant, had a chemical pregnancy, or it was so early on that my hCG levels never got high enough in the first place.  I think with how I was feeling about everything my gut tells me I had more of a chemical pregnancy, and I don't need to be worried about losing a baby.  But that doesn't lessen the fact that I thought for two days that I was.  We had a hard weekend but this week I have felt such peace throughout my days.  

(I went back and forth about writing these details up for anyone who wants to to see them.  But recently I have seen a few people posting about how social media makes everyone's lives seem glamorous.  I feel like often when we are having a hard time I skim over what it is we hare having a hard time with and make it seem a little flowery and rosy.  While some things are private I also do want to remember some things as well.  And since this IS my journal, after all,  I am going to write about it.)

On Tuesday the kids and I went to Yellow Lake Park on a whim.  We were driving home from the bible class I go to (it was my turn to watch all the kids in the nursery) and I just decided to swing by the park.  It turns out to have been a great decision.  Even though it was overcast, the weather was surprisingly warm.  We were basically the only ones there.  The kids played all over the jungle gym and then we went down to a stream and they threw sticks and rocks in the water.  We went to see the ducks and then they sat in the gravel and made 'pancakes'.  I just felt so content as we went from each activity to the next.  I had a strong feeling of peace that told me I was where I was supposed to be right now.  The more I think about the feeling I don't think it was just referring to me being at the park at the right time.  Haha!  No, I think I was feeling like I was where the Lord wanted me to be in life.  I have been pretty sad about not being able to get pregnant.  It feels like I am stuck in a lot of ways.  After this last weekend, I was feeling especially upset about the situation.  But as I sat on the ground 'tasting' gravel pancakes my kids offered me in their little muddy hands I just felt like I was on the right path.  This is the place God wants me to be in in my life.  I am so grateful for that quiet assurance.  It is so easy for me to think my plan has been ruined.  I wanted to have 5 kids, one right after the other, and then after five possibly even more.  But who knows, maybe I will still get 5 or more.  Or maybe I will simply get these two beautiful ones I already have.  But whatever happens I know God is sustaining me and that I am on the path he wants me to be on.  And that trust brings me great peace and helps me find joy in the little things.  I am learning more and more that my 'plan' isn't the same as God's 'perfect plan' for my family and me.

I also have to explain the above picture.  Logan has been playing Zelda Breath of the Wild with the kids and these days everything has to do with that.  Elsy was trying to climb a tree like Link and Tommy was punching the tree and saying, "YAAAHHH!... can't do it, Mom!"  He was trying to knock the tree down with a double fisted punch.  Today in the library parking lot Tom told me to run because bad guys were chasing us and Elsy named her toy frog Zelda.  They are to funny!

Look at these two buddies.

I am so grateful for my family.  I love the song "The Family Is of God."  All the lyrics are wonderful but I have been especially grateful for the chorus,

God gave us families,

to help us become what he wants us to be.

This is how he shares his love

for the family is of God.

I know that God gave us families because that is how we become who he wants us to become and how we learn what we are meant to learn. :)