Grandma Elephant

So, there I was, making my way through all the touchables at Ben Franklin Crafts with my two grabby children when Elsy decided to knock a display all over the floor.  Oh gosh.  So I push the cart with Tommy in it to the side of the isle and help Elsy clean up.  When I stand up I notice a lady or two looking at Tommy who appears to be abandoned on the other side of the isle.  He is going bazerko with one of the free balloons they give out at the store and having the absolute time of his life...

By the time I finally got Elsy over there a woman who seemed to be looking at Tommy with great intent grabbed my arm.  She then proceeded to tell me how I should never let my children play with balloons, that she worked at a children's hospital and how it is just absolutely heartbreaking, and that balloons were a major chocking hazard.  I felt my face turning red with embarrassment as she seemed to tell me at least three times to never let my kids play with balloons.  It didn't help that we were near the checkout stands so everyone in line was listening in.  I stammered out a "Thank you" and then moved on.  I was really embarrassed and a little upset. I felt like:  Who was she to tell me how to parent my children?  She must not have her own children because doesn't she know we can't take every single thing away from our children that could possibly hurt them?  They would never eat food! or get clean in a bath tub!  or they would never learn how to live and navigate life!  What were balloons invented for anyway... duh!  The sheer enjoyment they give to a child! (Or maybe for decorating I might be wrong :P)  Anyway, I was pretty uptight about it.  And I didn't know if I should immediately take the balloon away from Tommy just for show for the lady to make her feel good or if my pride should allow me to just walk away letting my baby play with his toy happily and let the lady know that she wasn't the boss of me?  I ended up taking it out of his hands but still holding it in front of him to play with it as I carted away.

I was pretty bugged about the experience for quite a while.  And when that starts happening I have learned that I need to give some extra thought as to why I feel the way I feel rather than just keep stewing and steaming.  What it came down to was this:  I was mad that some other lady thought she knew how to parent better than I did.  Not only that, but that she was telling me I was doing it wrong.  It is hard when someone puts down what you have been working and trying so hard to do from day to day.  All I ever want to be is a good mom.  So it hurt my feelings that in that moment all she saw was my fault.  

So then I started thinking how I would have wanted that scenario to play out.  At first I thought well, I would have rather her just not tell me what I was doing was wrong and keep her opinions to herself!  But then I realized something.  How do we learn?  We learn either from our own experiences or from the experiences of others.  That woman seemed to have had an experience, a bad one! and she felt she should do all in her power to help that experience not happen to anyone else and one way to do that was to tell me not to leave my son alone with a balloon.  I realized if I saw someone doing something I knew could potentially be hazardous, would I keep quiet because I was worried about hurting their feelings or their pride? or would I tell them because I wouldn't want them to get hurt?  I would tell them!  Isn't that what Christ does?  He tells us his commandments, even if they are hard or might hurt our feelings somehow, he knows that it is better for us to know than to learn the hard way!

While I was thinking about all this I remembered a video I had recently watched.  It was on BBC's Life series, I believe on the Mammals episode.  There is this mother elephant and her baby and the baby is stuck in the mud.  The mommy elephant is trying so so hard to get her baby out of the mud but her efforts, although well intended, are actually causing the baby to sink deeper in the mud.  Suddenly, from behind, the baby's grandma elephant comes up from behind and with big whack knocks the mommy from behind and pushes her out of the way so that the baby elephant can have some air.  Because of the grandma's unceremonious wallop the baby has enough room to get out of the mud and ultimately lives... instead of suffocating in the sticky mud.  I realized that the situation I had was kind of like this one.  When the grandma elephant butted her daughter off her granddaughter it sure looked like it hurt!  Those are some big animals.  But even though it hurt, it saved a life.  I realized that even though that lady's words hurt my feelings, she was just trying to prevent a potentially deadly situation in her eyes.   After all this thinking, I ended up being grateful for the lady trying to help me.  I can see her now in a different light.  Not as someone who was trying to 'put me in my place' but rather as someone who was trying to help in the only way she knew how.

I think it is a favorite hobby of most moms to want to give advice.  Heck, I LOVE giving advice.  I like to think I am right about everything.  Isn't that what men are always saying about us women?  That if they want to please a women just tell her she is always right?  The sad reality, though, is that we aren't always right.  I think something I need to work on is being more receptive to getting advice rather than being the one to always give it.  Because that's how we learn!  Either by ours or someone else's experiences.  And I sure hope I don't have to experience everything for myself.

So, you may be wondering, do I still let Tommy play with balloons? Yeah.  I do.  But!  I haven't forgotten that woman's warning.  And now I always make sure I am supervising him when he plays with them instead of just leaving him to it.  I also don't want to forget the other lesson that she taught me, and that is it is okay to give advice because that is how we learn.  And it is also even better sometimes to receive it.