Guys, I don't want to sound like a complainer but boy have we been through the ringer the last four weeks. Now remember, this blog is basically my journal so I am not going to make excuses for just telling you this month has felt like a pile of poop on my pillow. And yeah, I can't think of a better example right now haha!
BUT!! As much as I have allowed myself to wallow in misery more than I usually tend to allow myself to, I have been learning little by little about how the Lord is still watching out for us. I have still tried to take time to pray, to read a little of my scriptures (even though I have been falling asleep doing that more than normal lately) and I am starting to knock myself over the head and remind myself of all the things to be grateful for and start looking for the joy in this journey our family is on together.
So, I lost my wedding ring. Here is my dear, vigilant husband looking and looking and LOOKING! for it. I feel like I looked everywhere three times and Logan looked everywhere ten. I still wasn't feeling super good from my surgery so he was super helpful that way. We knew it was in the house because I remember wearing it after my surgery while at home and then when I left the house for the first time in like four days was when I noticed it was gone. But it was nowhere to be found. I went into our room and Logan had pulled apart our entire bed and had the bed and box spring against the wall and was carefully going around under our bed.
We had a laugh because every time we told someone my ring was lost they would always list off a few, "Well have you looked in the laundry? Have you checked all your pockets?" and the answer was always "YES!" when we say we looked everywhere I
mean we looked
everywhere! If Logan was opening up our safe that hasn't been opened in months and is looking in the tops of shelves that we haven't touched in weeks then I think it's safe to say we have looked everywhere! I had already gone through that garbage can twice but Logan looked through it again, carefully searching through diapers and wrappers, everything.
I was doing okay about it until one night I had a good cry over it. It is the one thing I have ever thought, "Man I wish I could take this with me to the afterlife." It holds so much meaning to me and I also think its beautiful. So, yeah, I had a good ole heart to heart with my pillow.
For Mother's Day Logan took me out to get a fun fake wedding ring for the meantime. A lovely little piece from the one and only Clair's. He asked me, "At what point to we buy a new ring?" and I said, "Not until we move out of our apartment. Because then I will know it was nowhere to be found after packing everything and cleaning everywhere."
So here is
the absolute bestest news ever. On Monday, while doing the laundry I heard a clink. My heart jumped and I looked and there it was! My wedding ring has been found!! I have no idea how it got there because I have done probably seven loads of laundry since it went missing. We checked all the pockets of every jacket and pair of pants in our house. My only conclusion is it must have somehow been in a pocket while my mom was here taking care of us and got down in the deep bottom of the washer (because Logan and I both reached all down and around there multiple times as well and found nothing) and then after so many loads the water somehow pulled it up and it got wrapped in the kids clothing. But really, I don't care how it got there. I just grabbed it up and started crying and showed it to Logan and he just snatched the fake ring off my finger and practically threw it away and put my real one back on.
So Logan has this story he often shares. His grandma gave him his grandpa's oil vial after he passed away as a thank-you for making a video for the funeral. He really cherished it. But on his mission it somehow slipped off his key ring and he was left with just the lid. He was devastated but after praying about it he had the impression that his grandpa wouldn't care about how Logan took care of his oil vial, he would care how he honored the Priesthood. I thought of that a couple of times while my ring was lost. How I needed to remember that my ring didn't make my marriage what it was but it was my choices and decisions. I tried really hard to remember this.. haha but sometimes it was really hard. Lol... really I laughed out loud just now.
I haven't gotten to work out as much as normal lately. When I went to exercise for the first time after my surgery this is what ended up happening haha! I was walking behind them. It was fine though because I was walking slow and trying to take it easy. But it was fun.
On Saturday we invited some friends to Rattlesnake Lake for some hot dogs, slack lining, and to try out our inflatable kayak I got Logan for Christmas. It was still pretty chilly but the kids still got in their swim suits and wanted to play in the water. Here is a picture of all of us on the kayak. I was so glad we all fit!
Tommy and his girl, Nora! Tommy likes to fight most other kids his age but he has warmed up to Nora and they play pretty well for this age!
Tommy helping Logan deflate the kayak. (This picture makes me a little sad now, though because that hand that he is gently resting on Logan's shoulder is now in a big ole cast. It was two days before he broke his arm) :(
On Sunday Elsy and I stayed up from naps and wrote thank you cards to her grandparents for the birthday gifts they sent. She colored them each a picture and carefully licked all the envelopes herself.
Logan had Elsy help him shuck the corn. She thought it was so fun and also kinda yucky.
We broke our fast to some yummy elk roast, corn on the cob, and Logan had made some amazing bread loafs. Yum!
These are my crazy kids on Monday morning. Monday, May 8th was the day Tommy broke his arm. After I took this picture they went and got their pillows and blankets and stuffed animals to sleep in the laundry hampers.
It is funny to think back to right before Tommy broke his arm. I had such high hopes for getting our lives back on track after all the stress of the surgery and the anxiety from that. Logan and I had sat down together Sunday night and set goals for ourselves and even for the kids! We started out on Monday really well but, yeah, if I have learned anything its to stop making plans and having expectations! Haha, to bad it is just one of those lessons you keep having to learn. ;)
So now here is the detailed and unabridged account of the incident, sorry it is so long... documentation you know:
So on Monday night after dinner we decided to go to the park since the weather was nice instead of staying home for Family Home Evening. We decided to skip baths and everything, even the dishes. Logan picked Yellow Lake Park because he wanted to do some slack lining. When we got there we talked about just walking around the lake but the kids were so set on playing we decided to just let them. As the kids played Logan and I took turns slack lining. I sat with Tommy while he played in the gravel and then he went off to play with Elsy while I talked with Logan. The thought crossed my mind, "What if Tommy fell off the rock wall?" but it was just fleeting and didn't come back. I told the kids "Three more minutes!" and talked with Logan as he rolled up the slack line. Then I heard Tommy crying. : /
So I turned around and saw him laying on his tummy. I thought he had tripped in the mulch so I just kinda quickly walked over. There was an elderly man leaning over Tommy and asking him if he was alright. I asked if he saw what happened and he said "no". After trying to console Tommy to no avail I asked another man if he saw what happened. Nobody had. I put Tommy on my hip and at this point I thought he sounded like he was fake crying so I asked him if he was fake crying. That instantly awakened in me a memory of when I was babysitting my little sister long ago and she had broken her arm and we all thought she was fake crying. As I turned I notice Tommy's arm was just dangling down at his side in an unusual manner. I lifted it up and it felt, to me, like Harry Potter's arm from The Chamber of Secrets where it is jelly and Hagrid says, "Broken!? There's no bones left!". I yelled for Logan and said, "His arm is broke badly!" I guess I didn't mention Tommy was wearing a hoodie so that is why I didn't notice a bone sticking out or the blood. I could just tell by the way it was dangling that it was bad and that I shouldn't remove the sweatshirt.
In hindsight, my brother-in-law Steve, who is graduating from medical school this weekend actually, says we should have probably called for an ambulance with how bad the break was. I was just thinking it was a time thing and I knew we could drive to the Swedish hospital faster than an ambulance could get there. So I called my mom frantically asking where we should go and she told me to slow down (because I was talking to fast haha) and to take him to the ER. I held Tommy on my lap in the front seat (all the back seats were up and there were bikes and kayaks and lawn chairs in the back from our Saturday outing still) and Logan turned on the hazards as we drove through all the red lights to the hospital. Tommy didn't cry the entire drive to the hospital but I could feel warm sticky blood coming through his sweatshirt as we drove and that made me start to shake quite a bit. Elsy told us she saw what had happened. She said he had jumped off the top of a climbing arch ladder. That sounded a little out of character for him. She did mention there was an older kid who might have been doing the same thing and so Tom wanted to try? Anyway, that arch is quite a bit taller than my head so that was pretty upsetting. At least it wasn't the rock wall (which is at least double my height).
They got us right into the ER and they cut off his clothes to expose a bone sticking out and plenty of blood and yucky-ness. I had to look away but I couldn't leave my little guy who was now hysterical. Logan rushed home with Elsy to throw together a suitcase and get Tommy his pacifier and blanket. They instantly put in an IV and gave him a few doses of morphine. Later on the anesthesiologist commented that it took a lot to get him out, "Enough to knock you out!" I believe was the phrase he used. I included all the gory photos at the end of the post so if you are interested in that you can scroll down but I know not everyone wants to see those pictures.
They initially told me he would need surgery and they said they had some great pediatric surgeons there but after the x-rays they said they were going to need to take him into the Swedish hospital in downtown Seattle. Logan showed up just in time as they were putting Tommy on the gurney and gave us Tommy's teddy, blankey, and his precious fadoo. He
finally stopped crying and allowed the medicine to do it's thing. Logan and Elsy followed behind the ambulance in the Mini. (At a stop light I looked back and saw them both waving) I had Cars playing on Logan's ipad and the ambulance ride was really uneventful. They didn't even do the lights because there was no traffic!
Once Tommy had his comfort items he did so good. On the ambulance ride he accidentally dropped his blankie and the EMT picked it up for him and he said in a tired voice, "Thank you." She was impressed with that, I was proud. :) Even in his terrible circumstances he was still the amazingly polite little guy we know.
When we got there they gave us the cutest little quilt and left us for what seemed like forever while they prepped for surgery. Tommy would barely fall asleep and then they would come in and do more tests or meds. That part was frustrating but I understand that its important.
Logan really wanted to stay. He had been running around gathering things while we were at the first hospital and once we got to the one in Seattle he finally was able to sit with Tommy for a bit. It was really rough on us because he was just laying there, still broken and bleeding and it seemed like nothing was being done. :( But I feel like we did a good job of trying to be patient patents.
Elsy, on the other hand, was having a ball! They gave her some beanie babies and gauze to wrap up owies on them. But she definitely was aware of what was going on. For
once when the doctor was talking with me she didn't keep trying to interrupt. She didn't complain and was so patient and positive. When she went over to see her best buddy brother she said, "Hi" to him and Tommy just looked at her and in an exhausted voice said, "Hi." It was the sweetest exchange.
Elsy ended up falling asleep there and Logan took her home at 11pm. She slept all the way home and then Logan let her sleep in our bed.
It was pretty scary for me after Logan left, just being alone in the hospital room waiting. They finally came in and wheeled us down to the operating room. We were in pre-op FOREVER. Just Tommy and I, and a really big older fellow with a Santa beard. Tommy threw up down there and we had to change him which got him very upset again, especially because it was all over his blanky :( After what seemed like forever I finally realized the time was going so slow because the clock on the wall wasn't working. Haha! We had to have been down there for almost two hours though. I could tell the Santa man was getting impatient too. I heard him tell a nurse he was "supposed to go home an hour ago" and he was on the phone with the some people and he seemed frustrated that they had "just gotten there". I had a lot of anxiety because the anesthesiologist said they were in an high risk state because Tommy had eaten dinner and they were worried he would throw up. Which made me even more worried when he did throw up before they even started to do anything. They kicked me out when they put him down because it was high risk.
I went back to my room at 1am, that's when they took him in for surgery. I finally had a moment to have a little cry but at the same I finally was finally feeling better because Tommy was not just laying, broken on a bed anymore but he was actually in the process of getting fixed. And that was such a relief to me. It was six hours from when he broke his arm to when they wheeled him into surgery. I felt like that was a long time! I laid down on the bed they had for me and saw I had just gotten an email from the bishop with a link to the talk I was supposed to base my talk off of on the coming Sunday. (Yes, I was asked to speak for Mother's day, haha oh dear) After trying to sleep but not being able to, I decided I should just read the talk. That helped pass the time and keep my mind off things.
They finally got me around 2:30am. Poor little Tom. He was white as a sheet when I came down and he was so hard to wake up but we finally got him awake and he drank a ton of water. He had been crying a lot before the surgery because he was thirsty but they wouldn't let him drink anything. Seeing him with a big ole cast made me feel so much better knowing that he was all put together again.
The nurses all finally left by 3:30am and he finally fell back to sleep. I had a hard time sleeping though because I was freezing! It wasn't until 6am that I discovered they really had left me an extra blanket after all! Haha. But I also couldn't sleep because every time I closed my eyes I was back at the park with my broken little guy. Trauma. Its real guys. And it stinks.
In the morning Tommy woke up and didn't cry at all! I asked him if he was thirsty and he said, "Mmmm HM!" in a funny little way and that was music to my ears to hear his little personality coming back.
We spent an uncomfortable day in the hospital watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Daniel Tiger, and playing Mario Kart while eating the nastiest hospital food I have ever had. The baby next door was a newborn and it just cried all night and all day. :( It was heartbreaking. We were pretty frustrated too with Logan's work because they wanted him to come in for a meeting. Seriously, why doesn't the work place value anything besides money, clients, and impressions. Grr.
We were told at 7am we could leave in a couple hours... but we didn't get out until 5pm. They wanted Tommy to pee but he didn't the whole time! They finally just said we could go anyway and right after that he peed haha.
That morning, Tuesday, my Dad contacted us and asked if he could come and pick up Elsy. My parents said she could stay with them for the week so we could give more attention to Tommy and also keep our house quieter and calmer during those first few days of recovery. I was really sad for her to leave, the only time I haven't stayed the night with her was the night Tommy was born!, but we decided she would have much more fun in Tri-Cities and it ended up being a good decision. My dad picked her up before lunch time and I got this picture sent a few hours later. She had been worn out by everything going on. Before my dad took her Logan had brought her to come visit. To bad Tommy was sleeping so she didn't really get to say goodbye to him.
Here is the X-ray of his arm! It was a compound supracondylar fracture... which is just fancy for saying a broken arm above the elbow where the bone broke through the skin. That little tiny corner was what was sticking out of the skin. And I don't have an arrow to point everything out but the radius and ulna are the two bones in your forearm and the humerus is your upper arm bone. So he broke his humerus just above the elbow. That little bit of bone shown above Tommy's elbow actually belongs or is supposed to be attached to the bottom of his humerus. Does that make sense?
This is a different angle of the break.
So this shows after the doctor fixed him all up and put the two pins in. If you look you can see a faint white line just above the bottom of the bone is where the break was.
Another angle. The pins actually stick out of the back of his arm and they will pull those out at four weeks. He also had several stitches in his arm. The doctor said she had to open it up a bit more to get around everything and the skin was to tender and fragile for her to use the stitches that dissolve so at four weeks we will get those removed as well.
They put him in a soft cast until the swelling went down and then we went in for a hard cast four days later.
We got a fun little wheel chair ride out to the car! He was so sad to get the IVs taken out but was glad to have the mobility of his right arm back. They had his right arm in a splint also, but I am not exactly sure why. When they took the sensors off his toes there was a big, angry blister on his big toe that made me so sad. No wonder he had bawled so hard every time we adjusted his socks. I just wish these little kiddies could tell us more about what they were feeling and experiencing.
Tommy was happy to be going home! And so were we. There was a little bit of fear to leave the safety and knowledge of all the doctors and nurses there but nothing quite beats the comfort of your own home.
Tommy got all settled in on the couch. We rotated rice packs out of the freezer to keep on his arm and kept him on his meds around the clock for the whole first week. He seemed to do pretty well those first few days back. The biggest problem was keeping him propped up! He watched movie after movie and his little bottom would slide down and I would find him all slouched down with his arm at a weird position. He would say, "Help!" or "Sit up!!" and we would hurry over to help him back up. We tried everything to get him to stay up but nothing seemed to work! Haha!
I was surprised at just how many people came over to just visit or bring by a little something to help cheer Tommy up. I only told a few people at first and somehow everyone seemed to know. People brought candy, cards, bubbles, coloring books, cute band aides, and other little toys. His favorites were probably this set of cars from his nursery teacher. He woke up from his nap and for the first time was inconsolable. And it didn't seem like it was necessarily from pain it was from, well that, and also just being uncomfortable and tired and just downright
sad. It felt more like the kind of meltdown
I would have had after just being tired of going through it all. I just let him cry and tried to comfort him. And suddenly I remembered that his nursery teacher had dropped by a gift while he had been sleeping. He opened it up and was so happy. Everyone said or brought the perfect thing to help him (and me!) feel better.
After a day or two, nap time became the hardest time for him, and sleeping has continued to be that. He just can't get comfortable with a big cast on. He would fall asleep on my lap but cry every time I tried to put him down. Now things are getting a lot better but he still was up at 4:30am this morning saying "Ow!" as he tried to get comfortable.
That being said, Tommy hasn't complained much. Whenever we bump his arm or try to change his clothes he always whispers a quick, "Ow." and that is all. We got him a bunch of bro-tanks to wear at the suggestion of the nurse. They are so much easier to put on than other clothes. Logan even found a tank top sweatshirt which has been perfect. We cut the toe off of one of Logan's wool socks and he wears that on his free arm when we go outside. :)
Logan and I both had a little sniffle one night because we missed Elsy so much. She was gone Tuesday-Friday. She had a blast though. We got pictures throughout the week. One of her and her cousin Hannah eating an entire can of olives for lunch.
And then another of her and her cousins jumping on the tramp with a sprinkler underneath.
Sadly, she got an allergic reaction to her TDap shot, which is actually fairly common, after she left to my parents. Logan had taken her to her 4 yr. checkup the morning I was at the hospital. It was hot to the touch and just like a big hive. My mom said she was sensitive if it was touched but otherwise she was fine.
Another fun picture we got. She also got to go fishing with Grandpa and caught a fish! My sister Sharee sent this text after putting Elsy and her cousin to bed in the same room, "Hannah and Elsy are giggling like crazy still saying back and forth different silly names, 'go to sleep you noodle head! (giggles) 'go to sleep you crazy butterfly!' oh dear." Haha! Things like that made me feel better.
The Friday after surgery they took off his soft cast to put on a hard one. I snapped a quick picture of his stitches. I didn't see the backside of his arm but Logan said he saw the little pins sticking out. We had imagined he would want a bright green cast but he surprised us when he told us he wanted a dark blue one. It hurt him a lot to have his arm moved around so much but he sure was a trooper. Our doctor told us he was doing really, really well compared to other kids his age. Our doctor is funny, she talks to us with her eyes closed. She is so sweet though, I just hope she didn't do the surgery with her eyes closed! Lol! (Actually Steve mentioned she did an exceptional job on the repair from the look of the surgery so that was good to know.)
My mom brought Elsy home that night and told Logan and I to go on a much needed date. We went to a really, really good Mexican restaurant and had a good discussion about what happened. We both agreed that we were to blame for the accident. I know, I know, we can't watch our kids twenty four seven, but we do need to be more careful and not leave a two year old unattended on big jungle gym. All week I kept thinking, why would Heavenly Father let something like this happen?! And I realized, He didn't want this for my son any more than I did. It is just part of being here on this earth. Accidents happen, people mess up and end up getting themselves or others hurt. That is just how it is here. But it is important for us to look to God in all our trials and use them to draw closer to Him. I think that is where a lot of people get mixed up. They think, God gave me this trial so I could draw closer to Him. I don't think I believe that. I believe that we have trials because of the fallen state we are in here on earth. But we are to use those trials for our gain and that is where Christ and the atonement step in. I don't know if that is making any sense, but it does to me.
Saturday afternoon was beautiful so we went for a walk. There were some big baseball fields that seemed pretty harmless so we let Tommy out of the stroller to walk around.
I don't know what happened at my parents house but before Elsy left she would NEVER smile for a picture. And when she came back she is just this perfect, smiley girl for the camera. MIRACLES HAPPEN ONCE IN A WHILE! IF YOU BELIEVE!! (Okay I hope everyone else loved Princess Diaries as much as I did to get that little song lyric quote...)
We did the dentist this week too! Tommy had a terrible time because he has been traumatized by doctors. As we pulled in he said "Doctors hurt me!" That was pretty heartbreaking. :( Elsy on the other hand just jumped up and went back with the assistant all by herself. She is getting so big.
We finally went back to the park where it all began. After talking with Elsy more she ended up admitting that she actually hadn't seen what had happened either. So apparently nobody had. We took Tommy up to the play structure and asked him how he hurt his arm. He looked around and pointed to the stairs (which are in the background of the picture) and said, "Climb up stairs" and then pointed to the arch ladder, "Fall down ladder!" Which is what we all had thought. I just found him underneath the monkey bars (also in the background) and at an odd angle to have fallen off the ladder. But there was no possible way he could have been on the monkey bars or fallen anywhere else. So I am taking his word for it. He must have done a weird twist when he fell. :( Every time we drive by this park now he says, "Where I got hurt!"
And here is a picture of Logan showing just how tall it is with his hand up. Ugh. Still makes me sick :( For a few days after Tommy fell every time he would fall asleep he would wake up with a big jump and start bawling. I think he was seeing himself fall every time he fell asleep and it just would break my heart. He would do it about two times before he would fall all the way asleep. :(
SOOOO! Crazy weeks, crazy weeks. I feel like I didn't allow myself to learn the first week or so but I have been doing a lot more learning and growing lately. I feel so much closer to my Savior and am learning to put more trust in him. I am so grateful for his sacrifice. I know now more than ever his desire to take away our pains so we wouldn't have to go through them. I am grateful for His constant companionship and help and support through these times. I have had small promptings to keep a spirit of gratitude in my heart and I have been trying to remember to do that. Life is still hard, but that's life! And I am grateful for the trials we are given so that we can become more like our Savior.
***
I did give my talk on Mother's Day, although I almost called and asked for a reschedule. Hehe! The only way I could handle it, I told my self, was to not worry about writing it until the night before. I thought about it a lot, but then I started writing around 9pm on Saturday night. That wasn't a good idea because Tommy woke up at midnight and cried for two hours straight (which was the only night he did this thankfully!). So at 2am I had nothing positive to write about motherhood so I decided to go to bed. I woke up three hours later to finish it. Elsy woke up earlier than expected and I realized after I gave my talk that I hadn't given the punchline of my talk because I had forgotten about it amid waking kiddos and getting ready for church. I'll copy my talk into here for those interested. But just beware, I feel bad because I think I leaned heavily on the "Motherhood is super duper hard and a huge sacrifice" without all the ways to get through the hard stuff! Haha! I was going to talk about gratitude and how there is no greater joy but that was what was forgotten at the end haha!
I am the kind of person who doesn't really like the "Women are so wonderful and we need them so much in the church" kind of talks. I want them to say, "This is hard, and here is how to get through it." So that is what I wanted to do for my talk... but yeah, like I said, I mostly just said how it was hard. :P
Also, after the talk are all the gory pictures... just FYI beware.
Hello I’m Kayla Bean. We have been in the ward a little over a year. I’m married to Logan and we have two kid, Elsy who is four and Tommy who is two. Last week when Bishop called to ask if I would speak he called right after I had had a prayer to help me be more grateful and optimistic about the challenges that come my way. God always answers our prayers in the way we least expect. For example, our family has had a rough month, one which often has people saying things like Jane from Tarzan says, Anyway, Logan and I were saying our prayers together before bed and I was praying and I said a little exasperatedly and probably not very reverently, “Can we please have a break!?” Well, a day or two later, we did get a break but not one we had expected. Tommy jumped from the top of a jungle gym resulting in a compound fracture in his upper arm. Logan, who is the king of “Dad Jokes”, pointed out that this was the worst dad joke Heavenly Father ever played on us. Thankfully, the Lord did give us the break we needed through my mother. She and my Dad watched Elsy all week and when she brought her back let Logan and I go on a much needed date. It was just what we needed and I was so grateful for my mother, doing what mothers do, right around Mother's Day."
Anyway, I want to wish all the moms a Happy Mother’s Day! The talk I was asked to base my remarks is by Elder Cook and it is on women and their incredible strengths and responsibilities.
I first wanted to start by quoting a bit from The Family Proclamation. I love this document and I have a very strong testimony of the truths and doctrines that are packed into each sentence. It says,
“ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.”
Our church needs men and women. We each have incredible gifts that we bring to the table that are ingrained within us. The Church would not be what it is today without men or women. It is a balance. Today I am going to be focusing on the side of the weight table where women sit. But I want to invite the men in this room to try and pull things from this that are relatable to them in their own roles as Priesthood holders themselves and as supporters of the women in their lives.
In his talk, Elder Cook talks about the two primary roles women have here on earth: our role in the church and our role within our families.
So first, our role in the church.
Each of us women in the church are members of the Relief Society. Our job is to “succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” I know the sisters in our ward are doing this. Like I said, Tommy broke his arm and a week before that I had a surgery. I can’t tell you how many people have called, stopped by, helped out with a blessing, brought a meal or reached out in some way to our family this month. Even just a simple hug has brought so much love and comfort. There errand of angels is indeed given to women and we have felt that through our ward family this month.
And yet I am guessing that many of those women didn’t realize that their small acts of service were fulfilling their calling as a Relief Society member.
I happened upon a blog post by Sharon Eubank who is the new first counselor in the Relief Society presidency. I wanted to share a little except from her post, she said this:
“When I was first called to serve in Relief Society, I was surprised at how many women sat down and told me: “I’m not a ‘Relief Society’ type. I’m not like everyone else. I’m not politically conservative, or I don’t stay home. I’m not put together. My kids are in trouble. I’m twice divorced. I have sins I can’t put to rest. I have doctrinal issues. Relief Society increases my anxiety.” I realized after a lot of this that none of us fits in.
[But] the question is: Can we open up the circle of our sisterhood to many more kinds of backgrounds and see those backgrounds as valuable instead of as handicaps? If you do this...you are a good Samaritan. You are a seeker of black sheep. You bond with people and you won’t let go. You become an example to others of the tolerance and goodwill that glues the world together when women try.”
Now I want to go back to The Family Proclamation as I talk about the role of women in the home. It states,
“THE FIRST COMMANDMENT that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife….Fathers are to preside over their families...and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection...Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”
Elder Cook said, “God placed within women divine qualities of strength, virtue, love, and the willingness to sacrifice to raise future generations of His spirit children… Women by divine nature have the greater gift and responsibility for home and children and nurturing there AND in other settings.”
The greatest woman, I believe, to have ever walked the earth was Mary, the mother of the Savior. What a huge responsibility and trust was laid on her shoulders. I love her response to the angel Gabriel after he extended to her the calling,
“And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”
None of us will be asked to bear and raise the Savior of the world. But each of us have been called to be a mother. I want to invite each of you to ponder Mary’s statement and ask yourself how it pertains to you and your call to be a mother, “be it unto me according to thy word.”
Mothering is a great sacrifice, one of the greatest that we women are asked to give. I remember going to church at BYU-Idaho in a singles ward. Those singles wards were full of babies and infants, there were two mothers rooms with 8 rocking chairs a piece (so sixteen) and I still remember having to try and nurse Elsy on the floor because all the chairs were full! But before I had Elsy I remember looking around Sacrament Meeting and thinking, “Yeah, I can do that!” To me, back then, I had no idea what motherhood was like or even really what it was all about. To me it was almost about having a cute little bundle to dress up and wear on my hip, almost like a fun accessory. Flash forward a few years to me with two little kids. I was just reading in my journal and I wanted to share it:
“On Friday, I realized I had had it. I hadn't slept much the night before and was looking forward to a long nap while the kids slumbered peacefully in their beds at the same time.... riiiiiight. Instead I found myself on the floor frantically rocking Tommy in his car seat to no avail (the last resort, he usually alwas falls asleep in his carseat!) in dire hopes of getting some sort of shut eye before Elsy woke up from her nap. As I watched the precious minutes slipping by I finally realized there would be no sleep for me that day. And as that realization set in, the tears came. And they came and came.
I started thinking about my mom and wondered, did she ever sit on the floor crying because she couldn't take it anymore either? And I started thinking about all the moms I know and wondered if they all had done that... and I realized they probably had.”
There have been many times in my life where I have thought to myself, “Have moms seriously been doing this from the very beginning?!” and I know they have. We give up our bodies, our time, often our hopes and dreams to become mothers. But the blessing of becoming a mother is that even though we sometimes we give up our dreams or aspirations we are gaining a new and better ones.
In his talk, Elder Cook warns us of not living up to our roles as women within the family. E says, “For some, marriage and family are becoming “a menu choice rather than the central organizing principle of our society.”19 Women are confronted with many options and need to prayerfully consider the choices they make and how those choices affect the family.”
I would go back to the Proclamation again in reminding us what is most important in our lives “:HUSBAND AND WIFE have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. [and that they] will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” As I was preparing for this talk I started to wonder about the different ways I have been “discharging” the obligations I have as a mother for other things that may be more exciting but are definitely less important.
I read this quote last night: “Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone else’s happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you’re not sure what the right thing is.. And to forgive yourself over and over, for doing everything wrong.”
It is important to be self aware and willing to make changes. Going back to Logan’s comment on the bad dad joke, after a long discussion we realized Tommy breaking his arm wasn’t some nasty joke or even something that our Father in Heaven wanted for our family. But it came as a result of a mistake on our part as parents. If you were to ask me how Tommy broke his arm I would tell you I really don’t know because I didn’t see it. And neither did Logan because we weren’t watching. So much of being a mother is repenting and trying again. One of my favorite things to tell myself at night is, “I’ll try again tomorrow.”
God knew that being a mother, for women, was the best way for us to learn to become refined enough to one day live with Him again. A lady by the name of Sunny Gupta said, “Being a mother is not about what you gave up to have a child, but what you’ve gained from having one.”
And lastly I just want to briefly mention a role that women have that I feel like often gets overlooked because everyone wants to talk about our job as a mother. And that role is as a wife to our husbands. “Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.” I don’t have time to cover this important role. I just want to remind you that you the responsibility to love AND to respect your husband. He is not someone to be bossed around and told what to do. He is a human being who is also giving up many hopes and dreams for your family in order to do his role the Lord has asked of him. We all could work on being a better companion and helpmeet for our husbands.
Being a woman in today’s society is super hard. We are constantly being told we are not enough. And the sad thing is that we often believe it. I know many sisters hate Mother’s day because of this. We hate it because we feel guilt, shame, and blame in our role as a woman. Women who have children who have gone wayward, those who don’t have children at all, those who work and miss their kids, those who stay home but yearn for something more, all of us feel inadequate somehow. Being a woman is hard! After pondering the different challenges that I have specifically been called to face this last year I read this quote last night and it brought me so much comfort.
“Sisters, wherever you are, whatever your circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you with an infinite love.”
Testimony, Amen.
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All the gory pictures:
This is a quick picture I snapped while they were taking x-rays. From this angle it is not NEARLY as bad as from the other side but you can see the bone sticking out there.
Tommy in his splint with the sheets that were soaked with blood. I kept asking if we should be worried about how much he was bleeding (because I definitely was!) but they kept saying "No he should be fine!" It wasn't until I got back to my room and found tons of yucky bloody gauze in the bathroom that the nurse admitted she had saved it all because she was concerned about how much he was bleeding to track later. Ugh. Oh well, I am grateful they didn't tell me I guess because I would have been a lot more worried.
This is the picture the doctor gave me that she took. It is a picture she took for her records just prior to surgery. She said she had already wiped him clean and she said, "This picture looks a lot better than it did in real life." So I know I am not exaggerating when she said that herself. ;) Thankfully it looks much better than all this now and he is a happy, running around, crazy kid again.
