Well, Halloween is just around the corner. Yikes! I really do hate Halloween. I don't mind the cute pumpkins, scarecrows, and little kid costumes. What I do mind is the gruesome, gory, gnarlyness of it all. Yuck. Why have a holiday to celebrate our fears?
I used to not mind getting scared...for fun that is. I loved reading Nancy Drew in elementary school. We used to make up murder mysteries with my cousins and try to solve them. It seems my cousins and I were always trying to one up eachother on scary stories at sleepovers (the Fernandez' were always the most horrific with Bloody Mary living in their downstairs bathroom and bats in the backyard). We even made up a character, The China Man, who was the scariest thing on all of our lists. All these things were scary, but we knew none of them were real and therefore we still always had a good laugh.
Then I started to grow up and develop real fears....ones that don't seem to go away (rational or irrational). For example, I'm terrified of heights. I'm scared of deep water too (is it silly for me to be afraid of heights in the water?). Then The TV show River Monsters taught me that depth isn't the only thing to fear in water. I'm scared of my loved ones dying or becoming terminally ill. I'm scared of of getting fat and I'm also afraid my dad was right when he said getting Gentle Glide dental floss is best when I just bought 55 yards of wax.
Today I was reminded of another fear. I went out to the mail and found this!
What the picture doesn't show are how hairy those spindly legs are!
I think it is safe to say I am paranoid of spiders. When I was in elementary school I woke up to a black widow on my pillow next to my nose and I had to go cross eyed to figure out it was a spider, that is how close it was! And I found a black widow in my bed a second time a few years later. Needless to say I checked my bed for spiders until I graduated... okay okay... maybe I still check my bed sometimes still... and my towel. :P I remember hearing when I was little that if you were bit by a black widow a red line of poison would slowly make its way to your heart and once it reached your heart you would die. Yikes.
Oh, fear. How I hate you.
This year I have learned a little something about fear, though. I had two instances where I felt so overpowered by fear that I was in a panic. One was the first night we brought home Elsy. I was absolutely terrified she would suffocate or choke in her sleep. Another was at the Oregon Coast when we were crabbing. We went out a tad to far in our little boat. The tide was strong, the waves were large, and I was petrified we would capsize. I lay in bed that night so scared of what might have happened. I kept seeing my dad, brother, and husband drown. Both times I have been so grateful for my level headed husband who taught me a few important lessons...
First of all, don't dwell on the things that might happen. God sent us her to the earth to feel joy and happiness not fear and misery. If you start thinking about that things that could go wrong you will end up with a long, long list of things that most likely will not happen. Second, the only power fear has is the power you give it. If you become a source of light, darkness has nowhere to go but away. I think sometimes we let fear become that poisonous red line that is slowly creeping toward our heart. If we let it overwhelm us, our bodies can literally be shut down and we can become handicapped by our fears. Logan made a short film about overcoming our fears that I really appreciated. You can find that video here.
Fear is a real thing and it is something everyone feels. I still struggle with it...especially since we have found two black widows in our house in the last two days! So until all the black widows in the world die and all the kids that dress up like zombies on Halloween choose to dress up as Disney princesses/princes instead I will do my best to focus on the positive things in life. And as Ron Weasley suggests, follow the butterflies...instead of the spiders.
